


Is Perfect the Same as Ultimate?

by FierySprites



Series: The Many Ways V3 Could’ve Gone Wrong [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Kirby (Video Games), Kirby - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Dedede's a Nice Guy, Dub Terms, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Mild Language, No Spoilers, One-Shot, POV First Person, Team Fluff, This is Dumb But I Don't Care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 16:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FierySprites/pseuds/FierySprites
Summary: Dedede somehow walks into the Ultimate Academy from the kitchen. The crew is confused for a bit, but they roll with it. (It has some nice side benefits, too.)(A crack crossover between theKirbyseries andDanganronpa V3: Killing Harmony. Takes place midway into the first chapter.)





	Is Perfect the Same as Ultimate?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is set midway through Chapter 1 of _Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony_ (prior to the first motive’s deadline ending), and any time after the events of _Kirby: Star Allies._
> 
> This fic is not canon to my **Make a Friend** universe, though it does share several elements with it.

**[Kaede]**

**Ultimate Academy for Gifted Students  
First Floor – Cafeteria**

It all started with a giant regal penguin casually walking out the kitchen.

I wish I could say that was the beginning of some sort of joke, but it really wasn’t.

Every one of us gathered in the cafeteria stared at the incredibly out-of-place blue penguin before us who, last I checked, certainly wasn’t not there before (I think Kirumi would’ve mentioned seeing him around), and said out-of-place blue penguin stared back at us—with a bunch of little orange creatures peeking out from beside him.

I took a moment to hold in my squeals. D-Don’t tell anyone, but… I think those little creatures look kind of cute. Cuter than the Monokubs, anyway.

The penguin looked back where he came from, and then back at us. He then proceeded to repeat those two actions a couple times more, the lot of us completely silent, before finally stating, “…well, this isn’t my kitchen. Or my castle.”

“Who the hell are you!?” Kaito shouted, getting out of his seat and being the first one of us to react. “Are you some kind of trick by Monokuma!?”

“What is a Monokuma?” the penguin asked next, scratching the back of his head. “He sounds like another evil villain. You guys need me to beat him up or something?”

“Oh. Never mind! You’re clearly a friend of us then!” I stared in disbelief. He just pulled a complete 180, just like that! …well, it _was_ Kaito, so I guess it’s not too surprising…?

“Sheesh, and I thought _I_ was the one who’s supposed to do stuff like that,” Kokichi said quietly. “Guess I’ll have to pick up the slack. _Hey, guys!”_ he began calling out loud. _“I think we found us our next meal!”_ And there he goes again, trying to rifle people up with his lies. Is this what being the Ultimate Supreme Leader is all about? _“Kee-boy, you should go cook him with your flamethrower function! C’mon, go on!”_

“I told you, I don’t have anything like that on me!” Keebo exasperatedly stated. “My creator would not implant such dangerous technology on me, especially after the incident!”

“Man, you just prove yourself to be more and more disappointing with every sentence,” Kokichi lamented. “I guess that’s why robots are inferior to humans in every way!”

“S-Stop that! I-I can take you to court for your robophobic words, you know!”

“Jeez, did I jump into a wacky anime by accident?” the strange penguin asked. “Because this is looking more and more like I did, somehow.”

“Great King, wh-what should we do?” From beside the supposed ‘Great King’ (is—is he _actually_ a king? Because, in that case, _holy crap—!),_ one of those little orange creatures – with a cute blue bandana adorned on his head – waddled up to speak. “This—This is c-completely out of the blue! Wh-What if you get p-possessed again while we’re here!?”

“Relax, Bandana Dee!” ‘Great King’ reassured his companion. “This is nothing we can’t handle. What kind of king would I be if I didn’t face dangers head-on? Kirby wouldn’t let me hear the end of _that!”_

I briefly looked at Shuichi, silently asking him ‘What do I do here?’ the best way I could. I may be something of a leader, but—I have no idea how any of us were supposed to handle this. (I mean, this whole Killing Game was weird enough…!) Unfortunately, all he could really do was shrug, equally as confused as me.

That meant I had to wing it. “H-Hey…” I spoke up. “Who are you, exactly? W-Where did you come from?”

“Yes, yes!” Angie chimed in, in her typical tropical fashion. “I, too, would like to know the identity of this gift from Atua!”

“Well… I’m **King Dedede**!” the penguin introduced himself proudly. Gesturing toward his bandana-wearing companion, he added, “And this is my trusty assistant, **Bandana Dee**!” Bandana Dee promptly waved to us. “We come from the realm of Dream Land—though I don’t exactly know how we got here. We were literally just in my kitchen a moment earlier…”

Okay, that’s _really_ strange. How can you just… teleport just like that? (And when can we get to use it?)

“How does something like that even happen?” Maki questioned, looking a little confused herself. “You can’t just ‘warp’ like that – that doesn’t happen in reality.”

“It must be like the doors from _Monsters, Inc.!”_ Tsumugi piped up – that was a Disney movie or something, right? “You know, when they open the door and it leads to a children’s bedroom, and then the monsters go right in—!”

“Why would monster go into someone else’s bed?” Gonta interrupted, looking pretty confused. “That not very gentlemanly…”

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be, Gonta…” Keebo said.

“Kehehe… A king, you say?” Kiyo suddenly spoke up – yep, that laugh is _still_ creepy. “I had believed such customs to be limited in scale in this world, and yet, here we have a regal being—non-human he may be—in our reach right now. Truly, the beauty of life extends far beyond the reach of Earth…!”

Dedede raised an eyebrow. “…are you on ‘shrooms or something? You do realize you sound plain ‘ol weird, right?”

“Typical degenerate males,” I heard Tenko mutter. “Always jumping on the worst subjects they can think of…” (H-Hey, they’re not that bad! Shuichi’s fine, isn’t he?) To Himiko, she said, “You see, Himiko? This is why you need to stay as far away from men as possible!”

“Nyeeeeehh… But I can tell he has a lot of mana in him…” Himiko drawled. “Maybe I can learn a few spells for him… when I’m not feeling so tired…”

“Ooooogh…” The Aikido Master was looking rather conflicted now. “If you think he’s alright, then… I guess I could leave him alone… for now…” She didn’t sound very confident in those words, but I guess that’s to be expected. Phobias don’t just go away in the blink of an eye, sadly.

“Hold up a minute, everyone…” I turned to Shuichi with a little surprise; he seemed to be thinking about something pretty hard. “Where’s Monokuma? I can’t imagine that someone intruding in on his game like this would go completely unnoticed by him.”

“Hey, you’re right, Shuichi,” I said. “Where _is_ he?” My eyes darted about the room, but there wasn’t a trace of our demented captor anywhere – and we’ve established before that he can just show up whenever the heck he feels like it. Is he… preparing for something? Another motive on top of the two incentives we already have?

_“Hey, hey, hey! What’s going on in here!?”_

Oh, wait—no, he was just taking his sweet time.

Monokuma popped into the room, to the surprise of nobody. “Wow, what kind of ugly abomination birthed you?” Dedede remarked (“Ooooh, burn!” Kaito commented with a grin).

“I’m the god of this world, Monokuma!” the bear shouted, his hands up in the air. “And I’ve got a bone to pick with you! You’re not supposed to be here! No intruders are allowed in this Killing Game, see!?”

“I can see that,” the self-proclaimed king deadpanned. (He _was_ just self-proclaimed, right?) He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t suppose you’re not here to do anything good, huh?”

Bandana Dee was shaking. “D-Don’t come any closer!” he quivered. “I-I have a spear, a-and I know how to u-use it!”

“Oh, you’ve got it all wrong, see?” Monokuma insisted. “I’m just doing my duty to make sure this Killing Game continues on fair and square! Teenagers these days are always too bottled up for their own good, so this is their chance to release it all unopposed, you get me? It makes for some spectacular merchandising, too!” My eye twitched. Is he still trying to justify this dumb game of his!? “They would’ve finally cracked if you hadn’t come in!”

 ** _“No, that’s wrong!”_** I shouted back, my anger renewed. “We’re not gonna murder just for your twisted whims!” My fists were clenched now as I glared at that monochrome menace. “We’ll get out of here together, and we’ll do it with everyone!”

“Exactly, Kaede!” Kaito agreed with me. “So long as we don’t give up, we’ll be able to get things done!”

Shuichi shuffled around in his own seat. “…yeah, what they said.” He looked pretty embarrassed – I hope he manages to grow out of that, eventually.

Most of everyone else shouted approvals too. Aside from Kokichi, but—c’mon, he’s Kokichi.

“Atua agrees, so that means I agree, too!” (That was Angie.)

“Can’t say I disagree with the notion, now.” (That was Ryoma.)

“I will place my faith in everyone’s decision.” (That was Kirumi.)

“Your fuckin’ motives have got nothing on these bad boys!” (And _that_ was Miu.)

“Whatever—just shut your faces, ‘ya instrumental idiots,” Monokuma easily dismissed us. “The _adults_ are talking here!” I fumed, my face going red with rage. Come on, he could’ve at least pretended to listen to us! Some headmaster he is.

“Looks like you’ve got a rebellion on your hands—or paws, as the case may be,” Dedede snorted. “All the more reason I come in and take these guys away from your clutches, then!” Immediately, all the… Bandana Dee-like creatures (jeez, I still don’t have a name for them) started clustering around Dedede, and the penguin himself pulled out this pretty huge hammer from, like, nowhere! “So, how ‘bout a brawl!? You up for things, Dee?”

“O-Of course, Great King! I’m ready when you are!”

“You think you can face me? _Me, Monokuma, the eternal host of the Killing Game?_ You’ve got another thing coming, buddy!” Dramatically, the robotic bear raised his arm to the sky and commanded, _“Monokubs! Get in your Exisals and help out your father already!”_

All of us tensed up – those gigantic mechs were the bane of our existence. Even if Dedede and the Waddle Dees proved themselves capable in a fight, if they kickstarted a battle right now…!

…but nothing happened. The Exisals didn’t show up. No _‘Rise and shine, ursine!’_ annoyingly echoed through the room. In fact, the only sound going through the room were that of crickets. (“Oh, so _that_ where bugs go!” Gonta cheered.)

“Hey! Why aren’t any of my Exisals here!?” Monokuma angrily shouted. “I trained the Monokubs to come to my side instantly, under threat of execution!” Wait, would he really execute his own children!? What kind of lows will he sink to!? “So WHERE ARE THEY!?”

Thuds started echoing from outside. We got up from our seats and peeked out the door to the courtyard. In the distance, we could see the Monokubs – all five of them – running as far away as they could from _something._ That something proved to be one of their own Exisals… except the Exisal was now colored pink all over, and the hatch cover now had this image of… a cute puffball’s face.

I don’t know _how_ I know it’s specifically a puffball’s face – I just do.

“I do not get paid enough for this!” Monosuke was loudly grumbling. “I am so suing this intruder the next chance I get…!”

“All this exercise… isn’t good… for my…! BLRGHBLRGHBLRGHBLRGH!” Ew, was Monophanie _vomiting?_

“Oh no! The color of Monophanie’s barfing—it’s the one for bad luck!” Monotaro exclaimed.

“This must be Monodam’s fault, then!” Monokid accused. “Remind me to beat ‘em the hell up when we get outta this!”

“…” Poor Monodam. He may be a Monokub, but… it looks like he has to go through a lot of abuse.

“Less talk, guys, more running!”

“Man, this Exisal thing is pretty fun!” I heard a sassy and high-pitched male voice come out of the Exisal. The mech’s electronic filter (at least, I think it was a filter) was distorting his voice, but I could still tell he sounded pretty childish… and mature at the same time? It was kinda weird. But whatever the case, he was causing havoc with the Monokubs – which was pretty good, all things considered. “Feels a lot like my old Robobot Armor, I’ll give it that! Ha ha!”

“How does he know how to pilot it so well!?” Monotaro was complaining. _“How does he know how to pilot it so well!?”_

We watched the spectacle unfold right before our widened eyes – even Monokuma looked shocked at this unprecedented turn of events. Dedede was whooping and cheering, as was everyone else. “Oh yeah—you go, **Kirby**!” Did he know the guy in the Exisal? We should thank him sometime, then.

“Wow, look at ‘em go!” Kokichi said. “Man, if that guy could pilot an Exisal, I bet I could too!”

“I don’t think that’d be a wise idea,” Rantaro advised, “especially with Monokuma still in the room.”

“Who cares? Wouldn’t _you_ want to pilot those things, too?”

As everyone else began chattering about this development, we slowly started turning back to Dedede and Monokuma. The former noticeably had a rather savage grin hanging on his face. “Soooo…” he drawled out, taking entertainment in how the ‘Headmaster’ was flinching and sweating. And admittedly, that was a sentiment all of us were sharing. “I don’t suppose that was supposed to be your reinforcements, righhhhhhht?”

A sweatdrop fell from Monokuma’s head. “Hey, you know what? I can share, I can share! You and me, we can do this Killing Game together, how about it!”

That didn’t work, obviously. Faster than the bear could react, the Waddle Dees began swarming all over Monokuma like they were a hive of bees swarming a person, and the bear began running about the room trying to shake them off to no avail. Dedede and Bandana Dee were joining in this chase, the king swinging his hammer with the biggest smile up his face. (And for some reason, comedic music was playing over the speakers – but it was fitting, so I’ll let it slide.)

I couldn’t help but grin myself. “Go, Dedede!” I cheered.

“Yeah! Show him who’s boss, just like how I, the Luminary of the Stars, would!” Kaito chimed in.

“Are… Are we sure he won’t get punished for this?” Shuichi asked nervously. “I mean, Monokuma could have another ace up his sleeve we don’t know about…”

“C’mon, Shuichi, lighten up a bit!” the Astronaut laughed, slapping Shuichi on the back. “It’s not like when he got stomped by the Exisal! What’s the harm in cheering on a new friend?”

“Well… I… guess it couldn’t hurt…” I smiled. Aww, he’s coming out a little! Maybe I’ll be able to get him to take off his hat sometime.

Everyone else was commenting, too:

“Gonta not sure if this is what gentlemen do… but if Monokuma doesn’t like it, then Gonta supposes it is good thing!”

“What is going on, again? I’m kind of confused at everything that’s going on, even when I look back using my playback function…”

“Ah-hahaha! Man, you fuckin’ virgins should do stuff like this a lot more! What, are you all too busy doing it inside?”

“Kehehehe… This is truly a fascinating piece of history unfolding before us.”

“Ah! I want to see the mask and the hammer, too! You know, from that one game! That’d be even better!”

“It appears we’ve still got a ways to go, based on this king’s performance… Heh. Maybe I could get a few lessons from him…”

“Heyyyyyyy, guys! I betcha twenty Monocoins Monokuma will come out on top! C’mon, c’mon! Who wants to bet against me!?”

“…you idiots give me a headache, I swear…” (That was Maki. And hey, we do not!)

So—this is a pretty unexpected event, all things considered. I mean, who would’ve thought that a regal penguin and his horde of servants would come in to save us from the Killing Game – not to mention, his friend piloting his Exisal too! It’s weird and kinda out there, but it’s uniting us further together in a way.

A true blessing in disguise, huh?

Maybe when this is all over, we’ll find out nothing’s really changed—but I’ll dare to hope that we’ll be able to escape, especially if Dedede can get us back to his place, too.

Until then, I’ll be here, cheering with everyone else.

Monokuma had it coming to him; I’m going to enjoy this event as much as I can!

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve got plenty of DRV3 crack scenarios up my mind, so have Dedede showing up out of nowhere. Because why not? Mixing in Kirby with something else makes everything better, and I do mean everything.
> 
> And yes, I do enjoy giving Monokuma all the headaches ever, why do you ask? (It’s a great talent of mine!)


End file.
